My father has cancer and I love him but I've never asked him to stop drinking because I'm afraid of how I would feel if he didn't.
This was on the postsecret website today. I love this website because it always makes me feel a little liberated every Sunday (or whenever I read it). Today, however, I didn't feel liberated but I did feel somewhat connected.
My mom doesn't have cancer and she has never gone to AA. However, I have asked her to stop drinking (many, many times) and she did for a while. But I think that "pause" made her a better drinker, kind of like AA made this person a better drinker. She can better mask it to others and she can better justify it in her head.
I really want to tell the person who e-mailed not to tell their father. That sounds terrible but I really feel like it is true. It hurts SO MUCH WORSE when you ask and they don't stop (or start back) because you feel like your feelings do not matter to them at. all. Nothing you can do or say will make you worthy enough for them to quit drinking.
But one day she is going to die and it is going to be tied to her drinking and then I am going to feel solely responsible. Damn, talk about a catch 22.
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