Holidays

I have a very strong love/hate relationship with the holidays. Actually, I think all of my relationships with most anything at this point can be accurately described as "love/hate". I love the new opportunities being given to me, it is amazing. It scares the SHIT out of me, but I am still excited. I am on the verge of hating the one person who I thought loved me more than anyone on the entire world. This absolutely KILLS me. It also hinders every. other. thing. I do because I can't stop thinking about THAT situation. Which is probably one of the main reasons why I am so excited about my new job. Other than that, I hate how I let people have "holds" on me. How do I change that? How do I keep someone from having SO much power? (I really don't like that term but I can't think of a different one right now that will fit) over me. I don't mean power as in controlling my decisions or my day-to-day operations. When I say power, what I really mean is being able to make me have feelings that I don't want to have. Not to mention the fact that it is more often on my mind than not. 

God. I need friends. I need to get out of this house, really.

I realize this post has very little to do with the holidays. sorry.